Ever felt like you needed a vacation from Earth? Well, strap on your hiking boots and hike over to Tenerife’s El Teide, La Catedral, where the air is drier than your grandma’s sense of humor and the views are more royal than a corgi’s behind. We’re talking about La Catedral, Tabonal Negro, and the Camino de Chasna – places so out of this world, you’ll be checking for little green men.
La Catedral: The Rock Star of El Teide
Imagine if a giant played Jenga with mountain-sized blocks – that’s La Catedral for you. This massive rock formation stands guard by the TF-21 road, looking like it’s ready to drop the hottest album of the geological era.
A short trail circles this stone celeb, offering views that’ll make your Instagram followers weep with envy. The terrain? It’s like walking on a cosmic beach – all volcanic sand and boulders in shades of brown, black, and bloody red. Local jokesters claim these rocks are actually petrified tourists who forgot their SPF 1000. Ouch!
- Time needed: 1-2 hours
- Difficulty: Easy peasy lava squeezy
- Pro tip: Bring water. The only liquid you’ll find here is the sweat dripping down your back.
Tabonal Negro: Lava’s Last Stand
Ready for the “black zone”? No, it’s not a new metal band – it’s Tabonal Negro, where lava decided to call it quits and create a landscape that’s part mystical, part “Did I accidentally land on Mars?”
This 6km loop through Llano de Ucanca and Tabonal Negro is a visual rollercoaster of craters, earth cracks, and stone towers. The ground beneath your feet is young and restless – kind of like a geological teenager.
- Time needed: 2-3 hours
- Difficulty: Medium rare (like a good steak)
- Cool factor: High. You’ll barely see another soul, just you and the volcanic jazz.
GR-131 – Camino de Chasna
The High Road to Awesome This isn’t just a hike; it’s a journey through Tenerife’s multiple personality disorder. Starting in Vilaflor (Spain’s highest village – take that, mainland!), you’ll climb through pine forests before the trees give up and let El Teide take center stage.
The path stretches about 13-14km from Vilaflor to Parador de Teide, climbing a thigh-burning 1,200 meters. As you emerge from the forest onto the national park’s plateaus, you’ll feel it – this is where Tenerife gets high (altitude-wise, of course).
- Time needed: 5-6 hours
- Difficulty: Your legs might hate you tomorrow
- Pro tip: Arrange a ride back unless you fancy a round trip that’ll last longer than some celebrity marriages.
Survival Guide for El Teide Adventurers:
- Pack a jacket. Even in summer, temperatures drop faster than a bad soufflé above 2,000m.
- Sunglasses and SPF 50 are not optional. The reflected light from sand and lava will roast you faster than a rotisserie chicken.
- Water is your best friend. There’s less shade here than at a vampire convention.
- Download offline maps. Some trails, especially GR-131, are about as well-marked as a chameleon in a candy store.
- For the El Teide summit, you need a permit. Don’t be that tourist trying to sneak past the volcano gods.
El Teide: Tenerife’s Royal Pain in the Ash
While northern Anaga whispers sweet nothings, El Teide screams “Look at me!” in geological stereo. You’re walking on ground that was doing the hot lava dance just a few centuries ago. The sky stretches unobstructed, like it’s showing off its best blue outfit.
With each step, the strange silence, raw power, and sheer audacity of El Teide will pull you in deeper. It’s not just a hike; it’s a dance with the fiery heart of Tenerife.
